Mind the gap

Traveling in Europe is fun. And easy. London - Dublin 1h.

Traveling in England is fun when you have a sense of humour and very complicated. London Gatwick- Canterbury 4 hours 15 minutes ( actual distance is 51 miles)

And that was just the train journey.

I usually go straight to Brighton. Because in England all roads lead to Brighton but this time, I decided to be daring and go ''straight'' to Canterbury.

Buying a train ticket in England requires a lot of cultural knowledge. What do you need to know? That there are shitloads of fares . You've got Family fares. You need to be 3 people. Yes, you can just grab 2 strangers randomly and go buy tickets together, it works too.

Day returns. You need to return before 2am the same day ( ie sober enough to watch the time) The off peak ticket : You need to sleep on a bench until 9 am , when you can finally get on the train or the ''Not via London ticket''

All you have to do is Always ask for the cheapest ticket.

The cheapeast ticket is usually to oh so famous '' not via london route'' . Unless you want to go to london of course . I'm sure they still have a not via London for London tough. Like you get off before and you walk the rest of the way or something.

The Question is : Where does London start? Usually Clapham Junction is still acceptable. Beyond that, it's game over. You need a new ticket.
　
Of course as a cheap almost Brit I booked my ''not via London'' ticket and I decided to trust the over worked ladies at the counter to guide me through the '' not via London '' game.

That's probably why I ended up in London Victoria. Anyway. It's a story worth telling so I'm not going to complain that the Brits give me more work as a travel writer.

'' Excuse me I 've got a ''not via London'' ticket and I want to go to..... '' I say to the lady
'' Platform 1 change twice and you 'll get to Clapham Junction You can go from there. NEXT . ''

I like this game. Riddles and that.

I should have noticed that she did not even listen to my destination but I was too happy to actually understand someone speaking ''proper'' English. ( I just got back from Dublin where all I did for 2 days was staring and smiling to people speaking a weird language to me)

So, the lady is programmed to re direct anyone to clapham junction ( the closest to London not via London) . Anyone as in ANYONE. Even people who are headed to the other side of the country.

Even stupid French who are on their way Home to Canterbury.

So I'm on the train. 2 stops later I'm at Clapham Junction , happily looking for my train to Canterbury.

I see a train lady who's politely answering all stupid questions with a smile that only the Brits can have.

Stupid questions like :
'' Where is Clapham junction?''
She would answer :
'' That is here , madam , you have reached your destination''

In France the answer would have probably been :

'' Stop taking the piss out of me , or I call the cops''

So I go to this lady and ask her what platform I should go to.

'' What zone is Canterbury in  ? '' she asks me.

OH DEAR.

Me, my french accent and my not via London ticket answered:

'' Canterbury is in Kent , not in London''

'' You have to go through London to get there from here then''

'' But I have a not via London ticket''

Stare.

We both look at the map.

Silence.

'' So how do you get to Canterbury from here without going through London then?''

'' I'M ASKING YOU'' I tell her

I had to go North and then South plus East and West. Then change at Redhill ( is that even a name of a place?)

'' Keep the map, have a good evening '' she tells me, defeated. ( but polite)

I look at my watch. 2 hours of travelling ''not via London'' already. SO what did I do? I jumped on a train to London Victoria. .

Just for the thrill of it.

I get there, smile my way through the gates . My clivage and my french accent have been my best partners throughout the years.
　
I text my friend/boss :
'' Shall I play french or pay the ''via london fee''
'' Play french'' he answers

Sounds good. I should have listened to him. He's a Brit, he knows.

Then , there it was. The guilt. My British side.

I surrendered ( my French side) and went to the ticket office.

'' I ended up here by mistake.'' I say

'' But you have a not via london ticket madam''

Thank you I realize that.

'' That'll be a lot more expensive madam''

Naughty girl who went through London for 2 minutes 30 seconds

'' 12 pounds 30 please'' he asks me.

'' Me francaise no English. Not know London good''

Too late to play French. I just swore in perfect English anyway. DAMN.

'' Can I just not go via London then?'' I ask him.

No reaction. Some Brits do not take British Humour.

I got on , the conductor looked at my clivage more than my '' any route'' ticket but at least , I was on the right part of the train. It divides on route. And who knows where you can end up. Somewhere like Herne Bay or something. ( of course I had done it before)

I got home with the feeling that the adventurous bit of my week end was in my own country ( as in England of course)
Travelling is like that. Would it be funny if it was just a straight line? If anything would always go according to plan , what would we have left to discover about the world and ourselves?

Thank you British railway....

Behind every great man there is a great woman

This Life is like British weather. Unpredictable. you have  start relying on another level to live your Life. Because you realise that All you have ever been told about Life as we know it becomes totally obsolete.

You then learn that there is no such thing as .... Genders.

'' Lunch is ready!'' Big Sister yells from downstairs.

'' I am a lucky man! '' I say to on of the guests . I suddenly felt like the Bread winner of the family.

.I have been deep cleaning the whole hostel with the girls for 3 weeks now. And I like me lunch on the table when I finish work.

Yes, I deeply understand men who marry girls who can cook for them at anytime. I am one of them.
　
But Mama had to leave to Brighton again.

Me at 2pm after a hard cleaning session with a blank expression on my face, totally lost.

WHERE IS MY LUNCH?

The intern looks at me '' Annabelle , you're cooking today I'm off to the shower''

Who do you think I am? A freaking woman?

I finally resumed cooking for myself.

Guests , looking at what I'm cooking '' What is it Annabelle?''
Me : '' Survival''


Ok, so I tend to behave like a man sometimes. Is that alright doctor?
　
I have learnt in my travels that we all have a feminine and masculine side equally strong inside of us . We all are masculine and feminine.

Our feminine part feels the emotions and has the intuition , the creativity , the masculine part has the will power and acts. This blog post is a delighful mix of my feminine side and my masculine side. ( any tips welcome)

Somehow, sometime in History we started to think that Women represented the Feminine and Men , the masculine. It was easier to make people think that. Someone had to create a society. And teaching people to express both their masculine / feminne sides would have been a long and tiring job.

We're paid by the hour over here. Let's teach them some crap instead.

And God created schools....

So we get confused when our aim is actually quite simple : balance out our 2 sides to have the Life that we want.

I did not quite get the balance part yet, you may have gathered. I'm quite of an extreme version of both genders.
　
I'm a woman. You can't miss it. Men can rarely gather the will power to look up to see my eyes.

In other words I've got a mix of Al Bundy , Jean Claude Vandamme , Margaret Thatcher and Lady Diana living inside of me.

O joy.

In my bag I always have 2 books.

At the moment you cannot find more extreme.

'' 50 shades of Grey'' for the lady

And a book from Bill Bryson, my all times role model, for the man.

When people ask me why I 'm single........ I don't know what to say , really.

( If you have strange mix inside of you too , please apply within)

Most people have a problem expressing their feminine side ( '' I'm not gay mate'' or '' I'm too busy for that crap''  ) so it results in binge drinking , chain smoking , over working and over eating : the only way to repress the creativity that wants to get out.
　
Been there, done that. Now that it's finally expressing itself after 2 years of intense self discovery , I 've got to learn to cope with it.
I've become a writer and I cry when I can't make the whole world happy ( ie I very often cry) and I 'm so intensely in touch with my intuition that I know what most people feel around me ( quite handy at times) and I can guide them with my intuition too. Wow.

Yet, I'm the toughest emotionless person too. My manager calls me '' bitch'' because I make her run 45 minutes every morning at 6am.
I run BEHIND her to make sure she keeps going. My tough side scares me a little. Because it is VERY tough.

So, During the day, at work, it is either :

'' Annabelle made the intern cry again''
OR
'' Annabelle is crying again''
　
However I'm starting to learn the balance thingy  because I see it in others now. Especially my girl friends here.
　
Mama stands on a widnow seal with a hammer and a nail after we cleaned the whole hostel for 8 hours straight AND then cooks for 10 people , Big Sister comes and exterminates any spider you possibly can imagine with the emotion of a stone then she'll come to you and do your nails and hair , giggling.

But still , we have the image in our head of Life as we know it ( years of mind training I guess)

'' Come , now'' Big sister says . She wants to show me something she got me I suppose.. She gets me new clothes from Charity everyday now.

'' For you'' she says pointing at a guy.

I'm now in the garden staring at  Mister Muscle from Italy.

'' Hi'' I say to the guy , obvisously a guest, as suprised to see me standing there as I am to see him

'' Sorry but Who the F*** is he?'' I whisper to her.

'' Friend of the last Napolitan. You need Italian lover Annabelle. ''

SURE.... But I'm gonna pass on that one. Too much masculine here.( I'm not gay) I like my men sensitive too. Thanks.
　
Yes, in this life , you have to learn who you really are and experience things for yourself .

So why not just enjoy other people's company instead of asking them to give us what we already have inside of us?

Just saying...

English Summer ( Part I ?)

British Summer is one of those things that finally happens when you stopped expecting it. Like France winning the Eurovision ( still has not happened yet though) or anything you really want in life

Have you noticed? Whenever you want something REALLY bad you do not usually get it. The minute you realise you can do without it ? You get it. I try to do the same with money and convince myself that I do NOT need 5000 pounds. Failure so far but I still try.

This time last year I was living in a Buddhist monastery in the South of Thailand. Being ''the only tourist in the village'' after everyone left. I felt quite isolated amongst the nuns . I did consider becoming one of them at some point. It's the lack of social contact that stopped me ( yes, that's sad) 

This year , my wish of more people around me was granted at last :I tested my love for crowds to the maximum yesterday. I went to an English beach

So in Summer , in the South Hemisphere you naturally go to the beach. Over here , you start complaining about the heat and THEN you realise you can go to the beach and actually do like in the movies : chill out in the Sun.

So I drag my 60 year old friend from New Zealand with me to an English sandy beach. It was her first time on a beach on this side of the world.

It s a sandy beach but we could barely see the sand from the distance . It looked like THIS : 

It took us about 10 minutes to get over it.We were staring at the beach in the distance. Can we cope? Or not? 

  Although it should be natural for me , ze European who used to build castles on the packed beaches of Southern France as a kid , it was also a shock.

When you lived, even for a little while, in a country where there are more beaches than people( Australia) you are allowed to be in shock. So when you come from a country where there are more sheep than people AND  beaches together ( New Zealand) , it's even harder. 

'' You're alright darling?''  I tell her

No answer. Let s go get an ice cream.

The guy next to us is from Brazil. He's also speechless and even asks us to take a picture of him with the beach in the background. That must be his new facebook profile picture.

We finally get to the beach. Time to find a parking space 1 hour. Time we have remaining before getting a ticket 40 minutes. I'm telling you , 40 minutes is way enough to go for a swim over here.

Why? Because we're swimming in ... the North Sea! As in '' freezing cold water''

Very cheeky I decided to not tell my friend about the temperature of the water. I wave at her as she goes into the water ( someone has to stay behind to watch the bags)

She comes back

'' Mate , it 's freezing. You have to go in straight away. No time to think what day of the week it is , DIVE IN!''

She loved it. 

I can't believe how close to me other people are.

The woman next to me is chain smoking while reading yesterday's copy of the Sun. She is telling off her teenage son who's building a castle on my feet.

He looks at me raising his eyebrows to show me that he 's annoyed by her. She shouts louder. 

To my left there is a baby who is obviously walking for the first time. He comes straight to me and I end up cheering with the rest of the family. They speak indian but I understand what they mean.

No one could disturb the lady behind me. She's reading '' 50 shades of Grey''.

A bit further you've got Italians arguing ( or are they just talking?)

My turn to go in the water. People playing beach volley kick the ball in my direction for the 5th time.  1,2,3  dive in.

1,2,3 get out because 1/ it's frezing 2/ the parking ticket is no longer valid, we need to go now.

People in England get in line for everything . '' They are so polite''  , my Romanian friend told me the other day as a male car driver stopped to let us cross the street . I agreed although I knew he mainly did that to check out our bottoms while we were crossing . French male drivers should be that smart. Instead of swearing at you, they could just check you out looking polite. I love English Men. 

SO yes, to get out of the beach in England , you have to Queue too. You can spot the french and the italians straight away. It's the only people who totally ignore the system.

Queue? What queue?

I'm still french. But partly English too now. So I jump the Queue... politely. I invite my kiwi friend to do the same. She was saying something about bloody pommies anyway.

What an experience. A whole blog post about going to the beach. In Europe, everything is an experience. There are so many people , everything is a book , a story in itself. What a paradise for the writer that I am.

Where else can you walk past Charles Dickens' House in your Bikini anyway?

 *Wink*

And walk past a pub full of English men trying their best to not look like they're checking you out . ( I do love them) 

I got back home last night and was eager to share my experience of English beaches . I was a tour guide that night . One of my favourite events of the week. Taking a bunch foreigners around Canterbury and tell them about its history and customs like I was born here.I just love it.

Last night , my foreigners were mainly….. British. Mmmm that’s another story. Me , my made in France tattoo and my strange accent gathered enough courage to do the tour anyway.

I tell them about the tour I usually give to foreigners and they tell me they are so curious about what we ( ze foreigners) thinks about them that they ask me to pretend they ‘re not Brit.

Mmmm a wee bit risky. It showed me how much I know the culture anyway. 

‘’ You are so funny’’ they told me at the end of the tour.

In British English it means '' we had a good time'' . They are the only people I know who can take this sort of humour. Why? They invented it.

My answer was simple ‘’ I learn my humour from you guys.

The people. It's what I 'm interested about in the end.  And there is nothing like England in terms of multiculturalism. England is the country where we all learn to live together with our differences. It might be crowded, busy but …. Who would we be without each other?

Smile , you're on camera!

'' I can't believe You said I was a pole dancer on national TV! You Italian , my revenge will be huge and nasty.'' I say to '' the last Napolitan''  ( that's the title of the book he s writing so it s his new nickname from now on)

 Giving a photocopy of his id card to a girl he s trying to hit on just to show her his age ,  that's the worst you can ever do to him. And I will one day.

'' It was your last chance to shine Annabelle'' he says , proud of what he had just done.

Yes, The hostel is going to participate to a TV show that's a bit similar to ''come dine with me'' but with people running places offering accommodation.
　
I was half sick in bed that morning and decided to leave my will power aside for one little morning and sleep in instead of my usual running / writing / working early plan.

8am

Big Sister : '' Annabelle, I kill you. TV is coming today, you 're the one making the rooms up remember ??? Go NOW . ''

So the only day I decide to let go of my will power is the day I have to make beds for the BBC???

One hour and a bit later the hostel was shining and we were ready to greet the lady with the camera. I even dressed in smart black and white ( the french maid in me)
　
'' Be natural '' Mama reminds us.

Natural seemed a bit daring...

'' Annabelle, don't be too natural'' she adds.

Now that's better.

A camera. That's crazy what you can tell about people according to their reaction to... a video camera. It's like handling a mirror to people.

Now we can all answer the question '' How would you behave in front of a TV camera?''
　
Some staff ran off to their room, hiding but still really curious of what was going on. ie , quietly taking the piss out of the rest of us. 3 of us bravely stayed out while mama was enjoying herself talking to it about the hostel.

'' I could get used to that'' she says

I did admire her. Her natural and ease, like she was born for the camera. Thank God I did not have to talk to it too much.

What did I think I would do in front of the camera?

Well first , scared to look stupid and totally shy and ......

'' The camera adds a few pounds'' the Dutch intern tells me to wind me up ( they love it)

'' I wonder how many cameras she s got'' I answer, not taking the bait this time.
　
After a few jokes that I could not resist ( such as '' if you're a tax man , call me'' or '' the male staff is working topless on Thursdays'' ) everyone relaxed and was natural when we were asked to be.

I then cross the room to get some bread for a staff member who was hiding when the girl with the camera asked me for my name again .

I answer, not knowing where to look. Feet? up? The girl? the camera?

Annabelle, stupid on English TV take 1.

'' So , Annabelle, what do you think of your manager?''

Mama was as suprised as me by the question.

I start mumbling stuff but all of a sudden something clicked and I said EXACTLY what I wanted to say to Mama but never did.
When do you tell you friend '' I admire you for being tough and strong and very efficient as a manager'' Ok , maybe after a couple of drinks. But then again you forget the next day.

5 minutes later mama was telling the camera girl what a bitch I was for making her run for 45 minutes every morning at 6am . With the hills and that.

Talk about natural.

5 miutes later I was proving the camera I was not polish by showing the camera my Made in France Tattoo.

Then the chance of my Life came. Me , the misunderstood, the one who wants to be heard.

'' Annabelle, why do you do this job?''

The camera was no longer there. I was talking to some higher forces about my passion in Life.

'' Working in a hostel is not only about checking people in . It's of course about high standard cleanliness but it's also making the travellers feel safely at home, make them feel they belong somwehere, to a huge family of the world to some extend. Only through travelling you can discover that if we are all different , we also are all the same.
Making people feel a part of the family , it 's that's we do here. Because we're all the same and we should not be scared of each other. Travelling is so important. ''

Mama was raising 2 thumbs up behind the camera. I could barely see her, I was so much into what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say to EVERYONE. For a very long time. Me, the misunderstood artist ( tears)

Then I showed her the gifts people offer us on check out because we have helped them.
　
'' So, Annabelle, you're single ... right?''

'' Yes I am, someone had to '' ( proud look on face)

'' This lifestyle must be pretty interesting!''

'' Yes, I....''

ANNABELLE SHUT UP ( the world is not ready for that)

'' I live a very different lifestyle from other people''

 CALL ME . (wink )

Job kept, dignity same. That was short.

What a day. When do we start '' Kipps Brother'' ? Me and Mama are up for it!

So advice from the wise one : If you really want to say something, say it to the camera and SMILE !

Growing up

'' Civil partnership is NOT the same as marriage ! say for the millionth time to the girls.''

They obviously want to wind me up. AGAIN.

Just because I was telling them about my past. No matter what you do, your past is always catching up with you.

'' Annabelle, you were married!!!'' they tell me, laughing.

We all have a different thought system on Life

'' I was NEVER married''

To me and ze French , civil partnership is to marriage what fast food is to frecnh cuisine. You go sign a paper in a cold office and you can pay tax together happily ever after . That 's it. It's either for gay people or teachers .

We were teachers. Obviously. I am not going to tell you about my gay relationships quite yet ( read on) As the government sends the new teachers wherever they fancy ( mostly Paris ) me and my partner decided to get a civil partnership so I'm not sent to ze capital . Yes Paris vs marriage, I would chose marriage.

But it's NOT marriage , it s a civil partnership !!!!!!!!

France, July 2007
Guy in office : please sign here . And here. So ... are you happy? ( he had to say something romantic .The whole process in itself is NOT.

Us, together : Yes.

I meant it. I was the sort of happy I was taught to be. The '' I feel safe I found a very good man and I will soon have a safe job to go to'' happy. The '' I'm becoming an adult at last and I'm making everyone so proud,'' happy.

Grown up happy . He was like my best friend, my brother. Who needs physical attraction I mean. What counts is that we've got someone to grow old with , someone who could help you financially during hard times , sickness and failure.

Also know as a walking comfort zone

I was wearing a brown dress and my best friend was taking pictures of us in the nearest park in our hometown . It's called '' the English Garden'' . How ironic given the fact that I left him a year later to move to.... England .

Have you ever looked back to your Life with what you know now and thought it's hilarious?

I really felt happy and proud of reaching a high standard life. I had made it.

The oh so nice boyfriend, many friends around me and soon , a proper job.

But why is it I still think about that travelling thing?

A year before , I had decided to move back to France to get a real Life since my job working in a hostel in Canterbury , England was not bringing enough money ( thinking back I go HA-HA)  in and I studied to be a teacher. So why change my plans I mean , years of study to not make it in the end? Whether I liked it or not, it was my professional destiny.

It's good money , and it is job security. I can go work in hostels in July August. If I have enough savings that is.

Ok then.

Just like that I became a cover teacher in my old school and I met my '' husband'' ( it's a bloody civil partnership!!!!!!)

Yes, I felt happy to be so safe. Travelling can wait til I retire.In a few hours I will officially be a ....... teacher. The results are coming out and I know I succeded this year.

We go to a bar to celebrate the Union with friends and that. I look at myself in the mirror as I'm washing my hands later

'' WTF are you doing Annabelle? Grow up.''

That was the first time I heard the other little voice. The one that's telling you what you 're REALLY here for.

WHAT?

'' Seriously. Is this what you think Life is all about? COME ON''

Yes, I always knew it was not what I wanted to think about life . It's what others thought.

But who's got the guts to listen to THAT voice and think what you think ?

Certainly not me. But sometimes, life helps just a little bit.

I come back to sit down and my friends all had a sad face.

'' Annabelle, it's not for this year. You failed the exam''

The result had just come out and my name was not on the list.

WHAT? So I get to fail on my engagement day? Great.

Devastated ( and totally relieved for reasons I did not understand at the time too )

Poor Annabelle was always the one failing every attempt to be normal. And she tried again and again and again.........

'' Do you think we all are here for a reason?'' I would ask my ex every day , knowing that something was not quite right.

'' I don't know darling'' He would say to me.

Now he knows one thing . We are NOT here to be together . ( But he can have my furniture)

September 2008
Me : Look , I 've got a nice rental house, I ve got the sweetest boyfriend I love him , I have a safe job to go to , I have money saved up so.... why did I start to drink wine ALONE during the day ? Why am I feeling dead in the inside?
Psychologist : It's time to grow up , Annabelle.

I'm paying you 20 Euros an HOUR to hear this? That I'm NOT a grown up??! That's what I m trying to be !!!

Growing up : getting yourself a safe life. with a good man and job security.
The more boxes I ticked , the more wine I was drinking. Alone. In the afternoon. In my pretty house.
　
So maybe.... Growing up does not mean THAT to ME ?

WHAT?

Ok . How about trying to move back to England , clean toilets in a hostel for a living and live in a tent ?
Now that sounds a lot more grown up to ME.

London , November 2008 in an Indian restaurant.

I was going to do the first REAL grown up thing in my new Life . Leave my security behind.

Boyfriend : So you're coming back to France for Xmas then. I'lll wait. Then you might stay.In other words : you ll come back down to Earth and see what life is REALLY all about. Security and comfort.

There was nothing worse to me than people thinking I was now sick and running away from your responsibilities when I had actually just stopped doing that.

He had the '' you should see someone about it , it will help you grow up Annabelle'' sort of look

Helloooo I HAVE SEEN SOMEONE. That's why I'm here.

Growing up : forget what people expect you to think. Get out of your comfort zone to find out what YOU think.

What you really think about how you should live your life is buried somewhere inside of you . All it gets is the will to dig.

And did I dig for 4 years. ...

Now my vision of ''marriage'' slightly changed

Canterbury , now
'' Annabelle , did you get divorced at some point ? '' the girls ask me.

'' One of the partners has to sign a paper. The other one does not even need to be there. So I wasn't there. ''

'' U seen the paper?''

'' No but he told my mum.... And....''

''ANNABELLE IS STILL MARRIIIIIIIED'' they all joke.

SHIT. I never thought of that...

I had a beer ( ie I'm completely drunk) and I'm trying to explain what I deeply think about this sacred union

Annabelle is ''married''  now means to me :

1'/ '' Annabelle has got an Australian passport !''
2/ '' Annabelle has allowed someone she loved to get a french passport and he can now stay in Europe as long as he wants to ''

Then I stumble into bed , 4pm , drunk and married. I did not see that one coming either.

How different can we become when we just change our thinking. So , it ''just'' what it takes. To change your life you have to change what you think about it.

The bad news? It NEVER stops , that need for security , safety , comfort. You re still scared to lose your job, your friends , your money , your dog... . But with the years you learn to speak those 4 simple words louder and louder :

GET ON WITH IT .

(... and GROW UP. )

You can't buy your dream

'' Annabelle, for you. Wear this NOW''

Big Sister had been shopping again. I ve got 3 tops and... a necklace and earings? ?

'' But ... Why?'' I ask 

'' to thank you for all you do for us and the hostel ''

'' Ok thanks. But sorry I missed the part when I actually did anything for you? ''

　

So... I spend my time wanting the world to understand what I do and be grateful for my goodness and it comes only when I do..... NOTHING?

Ironic innit? 

I just do it   because I love it! I love Hostel work and I m actually really good at it when I don't play stupid

So is that is then. The secret of life and everything. ? DO WHAT YOU LOVE? 

I sort of knew it. So if you're  reading this thinking , shall I change my whole life and do what I love? Well.... do it. You ll get a silver necklace ( better than the golden medal for surviving a Life that's not yours anyway)

If you ve been following me for a while you surely know that taking stupid risks to do what you love cannot be as bad as not taking risks at all.

 Yes, you can survive for a a month in Australia with absolutely no money at all and no return ticket either. 

WHAT?  I'm now showing this as an example. Please do not try it at home but keep in mind that when you go the ''passion'' way , you are always strangely protected by.... Life?

The main thing that usually stops us from doing what we love is I CAN T AFFORD IT.

If I told you you'd have EXACTLY what you need when you need it , would you believe me? No? Time to read my blog again .... 

Right now I can always get by although I never know if I can afford to. I'm offered new clothes every week , I look like I can afford to look after myself ( wow That's a change) , I m doing a couple of extra hours to pay for good quality food and I can even eat like a normal person who has a Romanian Mama to cook for her. I sort of magically can afford to have an I phone too ( oh la la) How did that happen? 

Well, apart from that , you obviously have to chill out your vision of the world. And see the bigger picture of possibilities.If yo dont think week by week you are eaten with worry.

I currently technically cannot pay for my phone bill , my publisher, my credit card bill. But this is NOT the week to worry about it. It 's only in 2 weeks. ( it feels better now)  

My current money situation leads to some awesome conversations like this : 

Manager : '' So , Annabelle, you are going to a wedding in Dublin on the 23rd . When are you coming back?'' 

Me , clearing my throat to sound as professional as I can : '' I currently can not afford the ticket back but I will let you know when I can ''

Manager, used to it ''Ok, Sure''

.

I 've done it already. For my best friend's wedding in France. One week I pay for the way there , the following week for the way back. I plan my whole life week by week.

No I do not let my financial situation stop me from doing the things I want to do. That's probably why I haven't seen zero for quite a while.

Annabelle, traveller, sponsored by HSBC UK.

Guess what, I can even do the tourist bit too sometimes. I get free boat trips in Canterbury because I work in a hostel .The other day I was thinking I d like to see the White Cliffs of Dover .

Guess what my Kiwi lady friend comes to pick me up with her car yesterday and tells me

'' Let's go and see the White Cliffs of Dover''

Now where did that come from?

No idea. But I could get in for free as well .

Don't ask. Actually , yes ,  do ask , and it is given . That's what they say anyway. Ask and it is given. 

Whatever. 

　

'' We were both born on the 8 th Annabelle. The 8 is a money number'' She announces as we were on top of the White cliffs.

It's good to talk about the Universe and fairies sometimes. I've got her for that ( she's a Spiritual healer) 

'' Where the fuck is the money then?'' I answer. 

Ok maybe sometimes I do get mad about my financial situation. I forget that I ve got way enough to be happy RIGHT NOW and I blame invisible forces for not giving me more.

'' Look I ve been paying this bloody credit card debt for 6 months now and all I actually paid is 33 pounds. The rest? Charges.Given my current situation I technically will NEVER be able to pay it off ( don't tell the bank)'' 

I don't want to change my job, I love my Life I'm the happiest I ever been , screw working for money and shit.

But.... if everything stay like this, How do I make plans for Life????

As in , TRAVEL plans ( I don't see anything else I want to spend my money on. Plus it helps me understand my backpackers better and makes me better at my JOB. You know, the one that I love so much.'' 

Mmm catch 22 innit?

'' I'm absolutely pissed off that when I was a miserable teacher I had thousands of Euros saved up and no idea what to do with them besides buying sleeping pills and now that I live Ze Life, I've got debts in the bank? 

WTF?

'How do I take my friend who will recover from Cancer ( yes she will)  from Melbourne to Paris ? , How do I go visit my imaginary boyfriend in Canada? How do I go Home for the Summer holidays ( read '' Christmas in Australia) and how do I take you to France???? I tell her shortly after she asked me to come with her on a short trip to Monnet's gardens in September. 

As I said that her phone beeped. The message read '' Welcome to France, you can use your phone ....''

WHAT?

HAHA Very funny. 

We just walked on Water. After being Jesus for so long I 'm now being Moses. 

I stop moaning for a minute and I realise. I am standing at the top of The White Cliffs of Dover and I m not thinking to jump. This is absolutely stunning, I m here with a dear friend and I'm going home to my family after. 

I would never have thought that would be possible. 

Anything is possible in this Life . So Why worry about a few thousands of pounds that I don't even need right NOW?

That's what really always screws us up as Human beings. We think about the future too much.

Even when we live the Life of our dreams , We want the money to buy our Future. Like we don't trust the Dream is going to go according to plan anyway?

And you know what? I would have screwed my dream up if I had had the money to afford it. I probably would not even be here right now. And to be honest , there is no other place I'd rather be right now.

You don't buy your dream Life. You let it come to you . All it takes is guts to believe that anything is possible, because you know what?

Anything is possible....

What people think

When you live an original lifestyle  you have to Forget about what society wants you to be and be yourself. Get over what people expect to be and just be you,

Easy , you re going to think.My mother does not live here.

But other people do stay here. And I seem to have plenty of mothers at the moment.

'' Annabelle. I will take you seriously when you're engaged. And kids. At your age people don t live like this. ''

''I thought you were my friend and you loved me. Why do you wish me married then? '' I answer. That's ALWAYS what I answer. Inside it pisses me off that people still expect that of me.

This guy has been back from his holiday for 2 hours and he 's already pissing me off with marriage and kids.

' I m talking to my Italian friend. 50 something .He s been hiding his age to everyone including himself for the past decade. We ve known each other for 8 years.

We have fought for....... 8 years. Italian vs French. Ya know....

However We got more mature now ( sorry I got more mature) , we don't fight as loud as before.

'' Look who's talking anyway ? ' I add angrily. Did I mention he 's lived in this hostel for 8 years and he s been divorced for 8 years and never had any kids? He sure can talk about normality.

'' Yes, but I'm a man. Women have to get married at some point''

Sure , so in his world, women get married to.......... EACH OTHER?

I ignore, remembering that my travels made me a wise spiritual being.

'' F**** You '' I say, wisely .

'' Don't worry Annnabelle, you ll find someone like you one day. It's never too late to get a mortgage and a house '' says the Dutch intern who wants kids at 25 maximum because she does want to be an old mum ( she says that to ME)

Mum , is it you talking?

I finally told the Italian that he d be my witness if I ever got married. And the intern my maid of honor. There you go. Everyone happy. There is no need fighting what people think about the world.
(Mmm I should remember that more often. The french rebel in me , maybe.)
　
Our sense on how we should live our lives is still here , somewhere in our head. Even when you know that it s a load of rubbish.

Living with other people from different countries make you realise that :

1/ Every country has a slightly different vision of what's good and what 's bad ( look at French food vs English food for example)

2/ The only way you can understand each other is to go passed that and live on YOUR idea of how you should live YOUR life. When you do , It strangely inspire everyone else to do the same.



'' So you don't have a husband or a family?''

10 people are now staring at me , expecting me to explain. HOW COME?

The guests and me just sat down at the pub after I took them on a walking tour around town.

It had started with the usual '' Oh shit when was the cathedral built again '' and me on google from my phone. Last minute planning. aka Annabelle's way of Life.

I ve done this tour for 4 weeks. And for 4 weeks I forgot the ONLY date I was supposed to remember.  597 AD.

Anyway , it's a lot of fun , giving guided tours. Exactly when you think everyone is bored they all thank you for a very very good time.

I'm annoyed by the question. But I remember There is no need fighting what people think about the world

'' My family is those people I live with and why would I have a husband when there are new men coming to my home EVERYDAY?''

*Laughs*

My sense of humor always saves me (Thank you Britain)

I can't explain but something still bothers me. Some part of me still resists being different. And I want to explain myself ....
I do this because....

Who the hell cares what people think???

Mmmmm ME ? Shit.
　
　
'' She doesn't care , she's got a lover now'' says one of the interns.

'' That's such a french thing to do'' Replies the other

'' Her and Mama are on a diet '' adds someone else.

'' They're always drinking ! You two will lose weight when I am a virgin again'' Says Big Sister. And let me tell you it means A LOT.

Everyone laughs

HELLO I AM HERE...... I CAN HEAR YOU.

'' WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP JUDGING ME. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS JUDGE ME !!!??? I finally tell them after a couple of glasses. I am pissed off. It's always Annabelle this , Annabelle do not do this , you should do this. STOOOOOP.

'' Because you're such an easy target Annabelle, we love you for that'' joked the Dutch intern.

Conclusion : people are only taking the piss out of you ONLY because you let them. D'oh.

Born from a traveller dad and a ''what are the neighbours going to think'' mum, what did I expect?

GENETICS SUCKS.

I don't know how these 2 met and how they have been together for over 35 years but those genes cannot co exist peacefully inside of me any more.

2 solutions :
1/ Stop worrying about what people think and no longer do everything I can to please them or make myself look stupid to make them feel better about themselves ( my favourite)

2/ Stop my lifestyle Because I litterally do the opposite of what's expected anyway.

Mmmm.
　
'' I don't give a shit what people think'' says the 64 year old Spiritual healer I met in Brighton the other night when I asked her how she can openly say who she is ''in public'' ( witch)

She was wearing a pink dress and  make up, she was going to go clubbling with her grand daughter . And it's true. People did not want to take the piss out of her.

Because she did not let them. She takes full responsibilities for who she is.

*admiration*

The only way you can get any respect from people is when you stop caring about they think about you but still love them ....Just the way they are !


( Now Let's try that one out..... )