My friend Karen (aka my spiritual master) talked me into joining a meditation circle every Wednesday night. No. Not a sect. A meditation circle. Getting there is already an adventure. It’s in a castle in the bush. Forgot your torch? Then you have to rely on the moon. Spooky enough.
There I was, lying on the floor with my eyes closed, surrounded by strangers. Of course I sat next to a crazy woman named “Chanti Chanti Chanti”. So… what am I doing here again. Find my inner self. Of course. The woman who does the course is really great and when you look at her you think that yes , swapping booze for meditation IS worth it. Last week’s theme was “ Abundance” . Listening to her voice we were supposed to visualize stuff that prevented us to be Ourselves.
After the session everyone was busy talking about what they had seen .Angels, demons and so forth. I was looking at the wall. “ So what did YOU see Annabelle?’’ “ Well it’s hard to describe” . Actually. Nothing. I saw nothing. Just heard Chanti Chanti Chanti snoring for an hour. I was about to tell Karen that I wanted my 10 dollars back when she said “ Don’t worry , it’s all going to be released this week. You ll just have to face some strong fears that prevent you to be happy” Haha. So what. I’m up for a challenge yay!
Well in a week , I had my car re inspected and failed ( it never happened to anyone I know) , my lap top broke, I almost lost my job , my car got smashed and I quit my job. Challenge… you’re kidding right ???
So my biggest fears are related to money . How did you guess Universe. Smart one.
I had almost got over the fact that I had to spend all the money I’ve got on car insurance and registration when I woke up last Friday. 7am. I could hear the 80 year old neighbor telling Philippa about what he saw last night. Never too early for gossip I thought. They had a dreadful look on their face when they saw me. I was going to say “ yep, that’s what a French woman looks like at 7am sorry to disappoint you” when I realized it was all about my Chouchou. Windscreen completely smashed by a brick. Angry people, 4 am. Nothing personal they broke 2 other cars ( relief) . No I was not impressed at all.
I get to work trying to be brave. To hear Graham my workmate say“ I think your job is in danger because you talk and laugh too much.” What? shut up and do the dishes? Yep that’s the idea mate” What’s the date again? Friday the 13th. Sure. Then it was all too much. This was too ridiculous. No car no laptop and … no job? Talk about abundance…. For the first time in 4 months I was completely lost and wanted to go Home. But which Home. I suddenly did not know where Home was. I’ve got so many. England , France, Australia… It did not make things easier…. I was all too blind and hurt to see them. My friends. All trying very hard to support me , make me laugh , cook me dinner, get me free coffee, offering me money . My new friends. The ones I did not know I had. Too blind to see that I WAS at Home. Just need to face some stuff….
2 days of pure painful depression and 8 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy later ( fat free way to NOT cope with your problems) I was ready to face it. Yes I had money to pay for all that. But that was on my secret account. The one I only remember in case of an emergency. The one that makes me feel comfortable just to know it was sitting there.The English account. Yes. Fixing Chouchou IS an emergency. Even if now I don’t have enough money to pay for a return ticket to Europe. Just writing it freaks me out. Got to face it huh. Okay number 2 THE job. Yes I was hopeless at my job. So be it. If I can’t be useful I have to quit. Can’t keep on working just for money. It’s not me. I’ve got to do it. Tomorrow. No. NOW.
“ Chef ( that’s how I call my boss. I love my boss. He’s absolutely awful with his staff but you can see he is the best man ever if you don’t take him seriously.) I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity you gave me to work here. Let’s face it I’m an awful dish washer. Part of my trip is about helping people out and I realize I’m not helping you at all. And I cannot change. I don’t want to. I’m a people person. So I quit. .” So proud of me.
“Yes you ARE an awful dishwasher. Everyone can wash dishes quickly enough to get the hell out of here as fast as possible. Everyone, but not you. YOU can’t. But NOT everyone is as good as you are with people. Monday, 10 am you start on the front counter serving customers. Don’t be late.’’
What? I quit my job and I get another one… from the same guy? Interesting.
I go home to my new family Pip and little Dhani. She had a lap top ready for me so I can keep on writing to become a writer. I tell them about my day , they tell me about theirs, we watch Doctor Who together. Abundance…..
The day after we were watching Annabelle and Smokey running around (The rabbits that is. She is not named after me . He named her 6 months before my time. Freaky huh. ) and little Dhani said : ‘’ I’m glad Annabelle found her way out of the cage’’ So am I .