‘’ Annabelle, you’re in charge of the new staff on trial today are you okay with it?’’ my manager at the posh restaurant said. What? if I mind RESPONSIBILITIES? I was born to have responsibilities. Working under pressure is my middle name. There I was , in charge of people. Telling them all these things they had to do, things that they should not forget that it’s all COMMON SENSE anyway. How empowering. And how easy it is to TALK. You just make things up as you go. And they take it so seriously these new people.
You would probably feel a bit superior to them , attached to your new responsibilities. If you could not see your scared self in them. Yes I had been there before. Many times. 2 weeks ago actually. So yeah I did let them learn, make mistakes, get stressed, it’s part of the show. But I also gave them that bit of comfort zone they needed. And in end I told them THE truth. ‘’ No one really knows what they’re doing. It’s all about pretending that you do’’
Same in Life. You’ve got to show that you know what you’re doing at all times. One of best test this week was singing the National Anthem in a school full of kids who knew it by heart. I did mumble through it with dignity. And, half way through I even felt it. The sense of belonging. I felt Australian, Mate. That’s when one of my friend decided to ask me ‘’ Why would a tourist like you come o a small town like Murwillumbah’’. A tou what? ‘’ Because I’m NOT a tourist. I like to live with the locals and get involved in a community’’ I smile, half upset to be called a freaking tourist. I was starting to realize how involved I actually got in the past months.
‘’ Dinner tonight?’’ Said mister Pink and Green Monster ( see previous post)
A tourist would call it good time at a local’s place. I call it a ‘’ DATE’’ . Like there was some sort a freaking future to it. A tourist would wear her only pair of jeans and her only sweater. I borrowed a sexy jacket from my friend. A tourist would buy food with her last dollars . I bought perfume. Bloody perfume. It was on special though.
SO , me , my make up, my Friend’s red jacket and my perfume go on a ‘’date’’. Happy times. After dessert , A tourist would have probably thought of what she was going to tell her friends back home ‘’ I hooked up with that cool dude in Oz , we had a fab time he was so funny , caring and… hang on I added him on Facebook I’ll show you his profile’’ but I thought ‘’ He’s great! Hang on. We’re not friends anymore now. Is this a relationship. No. Can’t be. Or is it?’’
I was still wondering how to approach the situation later that night ( you know , girls that ‘’ I don’t want to make plans but I’ve got flashes before my eyes ‘’ situation while the guy is snoring away next to you. Yeah that one. Let’s call it Feminine hallucination. I vaguely remember the promise I made to my dear girl friends in England ‘’ have the right priorities’’ when I moved the pillow and I found it. The reminder. That I was just passing by.
Oh these are my…. Hang on they’re NOT mine. They belong to another… woman.
I had done the girlfriend / wife police check before obviously ( far wiser when you’re French over here ) and I knew him long enough to know that no, there was no one permanent in his life. So there was no casualty, except for my dignity.
NOW. What would a normal woman with common sense do in that case. I hesitated between ‘’thanks for the present but I think they’re too small ’’ ( bitch) or ‘’ F**** B**** WTF is that’’ .
That’s when I heard it. The little voice in my head. The Truth. ‘’ Mate , can you look at this guy in the eyes and tell him that you’re going to hang around for him? Promise him you’d actually move in with him , That you would stop traveling and actually commit to this life? Can you ask him to love you and only you , when in YOUR head you’re already making plans to go teach English in Thailand ? . You can own if you want to buy. Otherwise you have to share. Stop kidding yourself , Mate’’
Bloody Wisdom. Always right. No, I can’t promise. So yes, what he does with HIS life is none of MY business. I’ve got to take responsibility for MY choices. And stop kidding myself. I don’t belong here. Or do I? But How about Thailand, Tibet, The Outback? Maybe…..
‘’ Stop thinking so loud I can hear you. What’s wrong?’’ Said the ‘’ Monster’’ next to me
My reply was the wisest thing I’ve ever said to a guy ‘’ What is right is far more interesting ‘’ And I stayed. For a little while longer. And a lot of stuff was right. And interesting.
Yeah. When you travel you don’t have time for what’s wrong.
Backpacking is the fine Art of ‘’seizing the day’’. You can Love but you can’t get attached to anyone or anything. Because you’ll be gone before you know it. Nothing or no one is really yours. All that you own fits in your backpack. You share everything else. But hey you also share bloody good times.
Have you ever heard 2 backpackers chatting?
You want to ask : ‘’ Are you guys best friends?’’ ‘’No we just met 40 minutes ago’’
That’s how I met 2 new friends the other night. John from Austria who’s traveling Australia on a motorbike , and Eiko from Japan who hopes to study here one day. There we were, 3 strangers in a café in the middle of nowhere , trying to warm ourselves up with tiny little candles, sharing traveling stories. Like that time in Kuala Lumpur when I put shorts on and EVERYONE was stopping to look at me. HAHA. Or that other time when I was living in the jungle in Malaysia … We were talking like we’ve always known each other, like we’ve always LOVED each other.
Because Love is so easy to give, in the end, Mate. But please do not attach any string. The trip is too short for that.