So I get a tattoo with my last Australian dollars , book a flight to London via India with the Pounds I don't have yet, get lost in a capital city looking for a friend I' ve known for 12 days ( 10 of them were silent) and get drunk in trendy club trying to learn Brazilian from a random guy drinking Heineken.
And that's exactly when my local french newspapers decides to publish an article celebrating...MY life choices.
Will I ever stop laughing....
How did I end up speaking Bazilian in a club in Bangkok ? Oh yeah. That one.
I woke up in the monastery on my cement bad for the 22nd day in a row and that's when it came. Enlightenment.
WTF am I doing here. No I am NOT the spiritual creature I thought I was. I can't sit still for more than 8 minutes unless it involves writing or downloading pictures on Facebook. I know now that food is only fuel for the body but if I have rice and spicy veggies for breakfast one more time I go on strike.
I had to apologize to Buddha and to myself. Time to GET REAL.
2 choices. Live IN or OUT of society. Stay and start a nun degree . Or go back out there and start accepting
3/ wordly possessions
4/ people with money
aka live in the 21st Century.
Now that's a mission.
I decide to take the night train to Bangkok to tell my 60 year old POM about the new material girl me.
I take the last seat. 366 Baht. ( a couple of pounds/ Euro/AUS dollars) A delight for your wallet. A bad omen for your comfort.
I can officially call myself a hardcore traveler after a 10h overnight trip sitting by a bag full or Durians ( they 're so smelly that they are even banned from Bangkok tube: '' No drink , no camera no Durians'' talking to coakcroches . The only ones who could understand english before the first Westerners got in half way through.
It's easy to get in or out, the exit doors stay open for the whole. trip. Enough to make any British health and safety inspector want to jump out and try to commit suicide . He could not really , the train is too slow ...
Hey , hoooooow uuuuu doin' ?
fuck. The only italian guy in the whole train had to be for me.
I 've been working on the '' I haven't had a proper shower or sleep for 3 weeks. How do you think I'm doing'' look so it
worked. And a french dude just called me '' Madame'' . Like i'm 30+ or something. What? I am? Shut up.
5.30am arrival in Bangkok. That Thai lady gives me a big hug that probably meant '' we got here safe , what a miracle'' .
Shower or breakfast. What would a material girl with a tight budget choose? Facebook that is!!
Of course Roy wants to meet me in Khao San road area ( aka tourist central ). Of course I ended up waiting for him all day standing next to Ronald Freaking Mac Donald after I sent him an '' Come and get me or I will die here'' email, watching drunken Aussie tourists walk past.
Of course we never met that day. I was on a different mission. I had to make my peace with Society. Accept the world as it is. At last....
So I had a chat with Ronald listening to Lady Gaga for a bit. Then I bargained my diner.
I walked passed a guy who was playing '' Imagine'' from Elton John. I stood there watching the crowd of tourists . ''Imagine there's no country...'' I almost cried mate. ( I did actually) .
And peace was made.
'' I'm not a nun so I decided to be a material girl'' I say to Roy when I finally meet up with him the next day.
'' Don't you have to be a virgin for that?'' He replied
'' Seriously I'm too up with the fairies. I was down to my last 40 dollars and did not even realize. Scared the shit out of me. I must be more materialistic''
You? Dream on.....
Try me. I drag him to the nearest tattoo parlor.
I've always wanted this tattoo but always thought it was useless. Now or never.
God did it hurt. The part when I ask the tattoo guy how many tattoos does HE have and he replied '' Me
? I don't have any, don't be silly'' was the most painful.
Where did I have it done. Mate come and see for yourself!
What does it say?
MADE IN FRANCE. It had to :)
Although Roy ad the tattoo guy had me on for 10 minutes telling me that they changed it to MADE IN ENGLAND and how much better it looked before they finally gave me a mirror.
How's that for the new material girl.
The same night I meet my Russian friend for her birthday. '' Are we going clubbing?'' I was going to say that I'm not into that you know that thing. But I made a promise to Buddha and Ronald . Material girl.
She looks at my clothes with a '' darling you can't decently wear that'' sort of look. She throws a sexy dress, a diamond bracelet and a Louis Vuitton bag. Now it's better.
People always tell me I'm brave to travel the world by myself. and that night for the first time, I felt that I really was.
Going clubbing with the hottest Russian girl who's celebrating her 25th birthday when you can't remember when was the last time you went to bed after midnight was, IS brave.
'' Hi I'm Kevin from USA'' that random drunk guy tells me in a thick Thai accent.
'' Greeeeeeat'' . I show him my tattoo. Because that's what you do in a club right? And run out of conversation.
''He liked you!'' My friend tells me.
So ..... you're saying that based on..... '' my name is Kevin I'm from the USA'' . Of course.
And he was fucking Thai anyway. How can that be the base of a good and honest one night stand ( is that how you call it?) What? Who cares about honest?
Where have I been the past 10 years. Give me one more beer.
'' You beer?'' says that Brazilian dude next to me. Wow. Drunk guys in clubs can read minds now. I'm impressed.
So I learnt Brazilian for a bit. and made everyone laugh on the dance floor. No I am REALLY trying to dance here.
'' your number?'' he tells me at 3 am. My friend was like ''go for it'' .
'' I do not own a phone'' was my answer. And I absolutely loved saying it.
Sorry Buddha, if I'm not completely a spiritual girl. And sorry Ronald I 'm not completely a material girl .
I think I will just have to be me then ......