I messed up. And I'm at last coming to terms with it and ready for consequences. The past 3 months of my life were a f*** up. I'm NOT talking about the experience in itself, not the places I ve been to and the awesome friends I ve met and stayed with. That was just the most awesome and magic trip ever. I love you Australiaaaaa ( tears)
I (just) lost track of one side of reality...
Becoming spiritual was just awesome although I had to start from scratch since I absolutely did not believe in that crap before. It just ''happened'' to me without me wanting it.
But how much fun. Pretty funny skills you can acquire. Yesterday I told one of my friend all about her boyfriend's personality , talents and mental blocks just by looking at his picture. She would not believe I never met him before as I was spot on. I smiled. To me , it's just normal life.
Wait til you meet the girl who can communicate with animals. I used to call her to tell the spider in my room to get the hell out of it. Turned out it always did. I've always been so jealous of her skill. Wouldn't it be so cool?
I'm more of a people person ( you might have guessed that by now)
Yes I can meet strangers and totally understand who they are , what they're up to , what their natural talent is and what blocks them to have the life they've always wanted in about 3 seconds. It does work over the phone too. It's just a matter of knowing when or if you tell them or not. Pretty funny game. Except that you rarely see anything when it comes to YOURSELF ( you rarely listen that is) . How f***** ironic is THAT???
For that , you need OTHER spiritual friends. Yes, that is why spiritual people usually hang out TOGETHER. To me that solves a big mystery ( almost as big as why do girls always have to go to the toilet together or why are 2 AUD coins smaller that 1 AUD coins)
Of course when you acquire all those skills you think you are Harry Bloody Potter and can go where you want on a broomestick or turn everything into gold . It turns out that you can. INSIDE. It d'oh.On the outside you've got to actually work on it.
What I totally failed to see in the last 3 months is how the ''material world'' actually works. Both ''worlds'' are quite different. Some people even chose to live in one OR the other ( it is THAT different. )
Of course I don't want to choose ( bloody french) and I want to live in both worlds . I think we're all meant to get them toghether to be fully happy '' Getting Spiritual world and material world together in people's mind''. Many wise people told me that it was my bloody mission in Life ( we all have one by the way) . Not that I listened to that before recently ....
So what's better than a good old epic failure to teach the world how not to live? so I had to learn the hard way. First too material and then not enough. It's all about balance ...
I thought I'd come back rich and here I am , broke .. But spiritually rich . Like anyone here is going to actually CARE about my spiritual wealth. Sure I can tell you about your boyfriend, your mum or you ex but would you pay me for that? D'oh. I would be a good personal adviser that is for sure. Who's ready to believe me though?
Adding ''psychic'' to my hobbies on my CV would have a dramatic impact on my life. I'd be good to sell '' the big issue'' on the street with my homeless friends but still tell THEM what blocks them to be fully happy in their life.
Of course I could apply to work in spiritual shops. Do you think they have money to pay me? Most of them are like me. D'oh.
Of course when this total failure happens to you you think it's unfair with all the efforts you put in to follow your dream, all the people you actually helped to follow THEIRS. The Universe owes me big time. That's called denial and anger.
Then you have remorse. Why didn't I stay here in the first place I had it all. A great job , a flat , great friends and now I have nothing . I could have happily lived without ever being spiritual and a messenger for some other world I don't quite understand.
Then comes acceptation : I would have done it at some point in my life because I hate regrets and because '' something'' was pushing me really hard, it's way better I did it then. I needed this f**** up to start learning how to live on this planet again with my new skills while taking care of my human self ( sounds like I'm turning into a vampire every night when I say that. Quite cool actually)
Operation reconstruction of my material world. I have a pretty tough schedule that includes waking up early, writing for hours (my dream, still ) in the morning and apply for a million jobs in the afternoon. You should have seen me writing my CV. The whole hostel was there to help me.
'' Annabelle, your layout is messy , it does not make you look organized. ''
Look who's talking. An italian guy who has 2 things on his CV '' Pool attendant'' and '' Barista'' . No kidding mate.
Oh and you think the content of my CV makes me look sane anyway ? They might as well get to know who I am straight away.
I look at my CV and wondered :
Who else goes from teaching in France to cleaning in England , from manager in England to dishwasher in Australia , from dishwasher to volunteer teacher ( still in Australia) and from volunteer teacher to unemployed french woman in England in like 4 years time.
Oh and I'm a writer too ( it says that in the HOBBIES section)
Dude,my outside world is f***** up, I might as well add spiritual healer in the Education section for the past year.
Oh well, at least I said yes to getting back to the material world and learn how to balance both sides of reality. I could have gone to live in the mountains like so many of us do because we have no idea how this world works anymore ( it's getting further and further from its original purpose) . But where's the fun in that. You've got to follow what you're here for .. right?
Head in the stars
Feet on the ground
That's THE life.. as it should be.