I've started my book. How cool is that. What? I've already said that in June? And July? And August?
No but this time it is real , Mate. My facebook status says so. It MUST be true.
What is it about? Why do you ask so many questions. You'll see when you read it.
I HAVE NO IDEA. Something about the past 8 months of my life. Or is it years?
But when you are naturally full on and disorganised HOW DO YOU WRITE A BOOK ABOUT YOU?
Where do I start....
You don't know how full on you are until you start working with someone as full on as you. And when he is 20 years old , gay and he is your manager it gets even more exciting. Like the kind of guy who shows up at your flat at 9am for a glass of water after jogging around Brighton twice and tells you '' my penis is freaking freezing'' and disapears. Yeah , that one.
Working with him is like watching myself in a miror.
We both came to the freaky conclusion '' is that REALLY how I am? '' F******
Dude, we need to help each other out on that one.
We 1 / energize each other and exhaust other people. As in we're dancing on Queen when everyone else is attempting to watch football quietly ( BO-RING) at 4pm.
2/ we Exhaust each other. The first day we worked together he slept for 12h after that and I dropped dead on my living room floor ( no there wasn't any drunk english guy sleeping , I checked first) and got depressed for about half a day
. We are so chatty on check with guest . Our jokes are in stereo. They must drop dead on their bed as soon as we shut the door behind them . At least they get a good night sleep. I guess it's good we're working in a hostel.
So yeah. When do you start your traveling book when the past 8 months of your life have been as full on as YOU are , and as disorganised as YOU are.
'' Hey , How u doiiiin' . I'm writing a book and you'll be in it'' was my best pick up line the past months. Not I have really picked anyone up actually . They probably waiting til the book is published. And I must have said that to 5788 people all around the world.
Damn. Got to write this book.
Where do I start. Australia? Malaysia? UK? Thailand?
FRANCE? Don't be silly. It's just where I'm from.
Yes, Being a citizen of the world IS a hard life.
Not that I've got a good ending either.
Forget about Prince Charming and all that crap.Although I have a few good gay guys in store. They probably would be good princesses. None of them want to be my Queen though ( I did ask)
The thing is , everytime I say I start the book, there is something in the way.
In May my laptop broke.
In july I bought a fake made in China I pad because I thought it was time but ....
1/ there was no note pad so I had to pretend to write an email to myself everytime wanted to add a page to my fantastic non existant book .
2/ My writing speed never exceeded 1 word per minute. Approximate age when book published : 83 years old. Forget about picking ANYONE up then.
In August I decided to stay in this monastery in Thailand for ever and hand write the book. A wake up call later I was checking my emails on my new smart phone back in the UK. And no book so far...
Here we are. September. Who and what am I going to blame for NOT starting this book this time.
WORK? Yeah that's a good one. Used to work all the time. Socialising ? No sorry I've got to work. I wish but I have to work tonight. Relationship? Sorry no time. Where would I fit that in my work schedule I've got responsibilities you know. . Loving people? No sorry I've got to check them in.
Well that was before. Now I have an extra day off a week and I'm not the manager anymore.
Can't blame work....
My only recent offer came from a 61 year old Australian woman.
That was a good pick up line though
'' I'm going out to the shops , anyone need anything?'' someone asked
'' A good woman'' she answered , looking at me straight in the eye.
Mate, you rock.
I did hesitate for a minute ...
ENGLISH PEOPLE . That's a good one for the french. That's what we do best. We blame the English. We still haven't digested that Joan of Arc story probably . So we blame the Brits. Especially those who don't call back .
What? He's also waiting until the book is published ?
Where have I been the past 10 years?
No, I can't blame the Brits either. I love them . They're too funny.
BRITISH WEATHER . I can't write today. It's too miserable out there. hahaha . That one can NEVER go wrong.
Until someone points out the ugly truth.
'' Do you HAVE TO write in the rain?''
Get an umbrella dude.
No , writing a book is not easy.
Ideas will come to you at the weirdest time. it's like wanting the loo when you're in a phone box.
and it stops as you walk in the nearest public toilet. Damn you spent 5p for nothing.
Yeah , writing is a bit like that.
I wake up at 3 am with the best 1st chapter I can dream of. If only I could be bothered getting out of bed and actually write it. Sure. I'll remember it tomorrow.
Give me a BREAK I can hardly work until 11.30pm already. I'm currently trying to blackmail Totoro, our night receptionist with ice cream and pizza so he comes half an hour early because I NEED MY BED . If you check in after 9pm my customer service drops to ''bitch level'' unless you feed me with an insane amount of caramels.
Oh and no , Totoro is NOT is real name. Thank God. ( he chose it though) And no, he still does not want my ice creams. He makes me wait until 11.29pm . Just for a laugh. Am thinking about upgrading to pepperoni pizza next time.
And you want ME to wake up at 3am TO WRITE?
Yes , ideas come when I'm working as well. Last night I was putting laundry away and I had to run down the stairs like a drug addict maniac and someone with intestine problems . No people don't notice. It's Brighton dude. It's normal here.
Where's my damn notebook.
'' Can you cover reception for 2 minutes I've GOT to write something'' I say to my german colleague adding that SHE will be in my book too. For sure ( How uuuuuu doin'?)
Like it's an emergency. Like it's life threatening.
She was happy to cover. She could change my boring music to austrian rap while I was sitting on the floor laughing my ass off because I think It's so funny what I'm writing.
Ideas come at anytime in any language. too. Although Spanish tend to be when I'm insanely drunk and german when I'm deeply depressed. Italian? No , not anymore thank you.
Usually it's frenglish notes that I can barely decipher the next day when I actually have time to write.
But all I can do is staring blankly at my screen, drink coffee and cry watching Grey 's Anatomy season 6.
Yes , travel writers are a bit mad. We usually blacklist them from the hostel
A paranoid crazy woman, who was still yelling my name on the street 15 minutes after I kicked her out last year, claimed to be a travel writer.
''Race-A-Lot you have no right to treat me like this , I'm a wriiiiiiter!''
My name is Raclot but I like Race -a- lot too actually . How did she know my surname? Dude. Don't ask.
This other guy who was stinking so much we had to tell him to go have a shower if he wanted to stay. He was a travel writer too.
So you know what I'm risking if I actually write this book?
I decided to relocate my writing spot in my friend's coffee shop so if it all goes wrong I can still have good coffee and advertise '' Redwood Coffee shop Brighton'' in my book.
When I start it.
In the mean time I can still have crazy full on conversations with my manager . The other day he ended up telling me :
'' What you say makes so much sense. You should write a book''
NO KIDDING .
But where do I start? Hang on a minute. THIS could be a great start right?
Because sometimes when you really want to do something. Like REALLY REALLY. You've got to stop THINKING about it find excuses, let go , And ... JUST DO IT.
What are YOU waiting for ?